Impact 3/15/2012

The show opened with a recap of the history between Sting and World Champion Bobby Roode.

James Storm came to the ring for the obligatory show opening promo. Storm said that he had been waiting sine November for an opportunity at revenge. He must have forgotten that he had one a month ago in England… Storm went on to say that he wasn’t sorry sorry about Roode’s luck because Roode will need all the help he can get.

Bully Ray came out for the obligatory opening promo interruption. Ray told Storm that he was the guy that kicked a chair into his head. Storm fired back by saying that he was the guy that beat Ray for the #1 contendership. The two traded insults until Storm challenged Ray to get into the ring. Ray said if Storm wanted a fight, then there was good news and bad news. The good news is Storm will not be fighting him, the bad news is he’ll be fighting Gunner instead. Gunner came out and he and Storm brawled.

Gail Kim and Madison Rayne were arguing backstage. They came up to Sting, who was leaning over on the hallway for no apparent reason. Sting told them that they both had matches tonight. Gail was facing Mickie and Madison was facing Velvet Sky. The two knockouts argued further as the show went to commercial.

Question: How can Bully Ray make matches? I thought that was Sting’s job? If Sting is not the matchmaker, then who is?

Backstage, Bobby Roode asked who Sting thought he was by making the match. He vowed to beat Sting using any means necessary.

MATCH ONE: Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky – Standard Impact womens match, which is not a bad thing. The finish was Madison reversing a rollup and grabbing Velvet’s skirt/tights for leverage and the tainted win.

Winner: Madison Rayne via nefarious means. This is the type of heel win that does not bother me. Yes, Madison cheated, but the referee was looking at the shoulders and not the tights. Plus uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh we got to see part of Velvet’s butt.

Backstage Crimson and Morgan argued a bit, but vowed to get the tag titles back.

MATCH TWO: Crimson vs. Samoa Joe – Morgan was in Crimson’s corner and Magnus was in Joe’s corner. Magnus was wearing a “Save The Tatas” shirt. At the end of the match Morgan and Magnus started brawling, which caused a distraction. Crimson then capitalized and landed a move to pin Joe.

Winner: Crimson, to stay undefeated. This was become the standard fare of seeing to members of different teams face each other to build to a tag match. It wasn’t my thing, because it still fit with that Monday Night Wars philosophy of putting one member of a respective tag team against each other in a match that is just there and not given any real emphasis. Plus this is the second straight match with a dirty finish.

Austin Aries came to the ring to celebrate being the longest reigning X-Division champion. Aries stated that he had a list of people to thank. First and foremost, of course, was himself. He also wanted to thank all the X-Division competitors he defeated as well, because they were good bit not great, and he couldn’t have done it without them. See what he did there? He played a music video showcasing highlights of his reign. The song was the same one used in a music video depicting Aries vs. Shelley. Zema Ion came to the ring, and said that his reign come to an end this Sunday. Aries told Ion that if he was so confident, he could make the toast. When Ion did, Aries sprayed him with champagne, and knocked him out of the ring. They did the typical staredown to close the segment.

Question: Aren’t both men heel? I suppose they could be slowly turning Aries face. But having two heels argue over who is better is not appealing to this viewer.

After a commercial break a bunch of brief segments aired. Joseph Park tried to get answers from Gunner as to the whereabouts of his brother Abyss. A video recapping Eric Young and ODB winning the Knockout Tag Titles aired, followed by EY and OBD talking about what to do for their wedding. It then went to Kurt Angle talking about how he at Garrett “Bitchoff” in a five minute math tonight. Sting said that all of his personalities will be showcased in his match with Bobby Roode.

MATCH THREE: Mickie James vs. Gail Kim(c) in a non-title match – Gail tried to go for a beltshot, but Mickie countered. They had a back and forth match until Gail was able to level Mickie with the belt while the ref wasn’t looking.

Winner: Gail Kim. This was the type of finish that makes a referee look like a complete moron. Why would the ref look away while both of the competitors were getting outside of the ring?

Backstage, Mr Anderson was trying to explain why he came to the aid of AJ Styles. Christopher Daniels and Kazarian walked in and tried to make “water cooler talk”. Anderson corrected them and said that they were standing next to a lemonade cooler. Daniels knocked over Anderson’s coffee.

MATCH FOUR: Christopher Daniels vs. Mr. Anderson – Anderson did is usual self ring announcing. Tenay and Taz discussed Stockholm Syndrome during the match, for whatever reason. Daniels got busted open during the match, but it looks like it was accidental. Kazarian tried to come to the ring, but AJ held him off. Anderson hit Daniels with the Mic Check for the win.

Winner: Mr. Anderson. It should be noted that every match has has some form of underhanded tactics involved.

MATCH FIVE: Kurt Angle vs. Garret Bischoff in a five minute match – Tenay and Taz did try to sell that Garret was a rookie facing a grizzled veteran, but this was totally uninteresting for me for reasons I went over last week. The finish was Angle hitting the Angle Slam as the time ran out. Angle attacked the referee for not counting the pin. Angle put Garret in the Angle Lock, but Jeff Hardy ran in for the save.

Winner: None. Time Limit Draw. Again, Garret Bischoff is completely uninteresting to me, so I had no interest in seeing the outcome.

By the way, did you know Spike TV sent Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum undercover to a focus group in a promotion for 21 Jump Street? If you were watching this show live you would have seen these spots at least FIVE TIMES!!!

Robbie E and Robbie T were backstage and mentioned that Robbie E had an open challenge for the PPV.

MATCH SIX: Gunner vs. James Storm – The two came to blows right away. Pretty straightforward match that ended with Storm hitting the superkick for the win. Storm and Bully Ray then stared each other down post match.

Winner: James Storm. Yes, it was the main event match before we got a clean victory.

Another video aired of Roode and Sting disputing Roode’s title reign.

The Main Event was a contract signing between Sting and Bobby Roode. After both signed, Jeremy Borash announced that it was official. Apparently all the vignettes we just watched throughout the night were unofficial. Which also begs the question how matches coul be made in the same night without contracts being signed.

Anyway, Bobby Roode took the mic and asked Sting if he remembers 22 years ago when Sting won his first world title. Roode said that he was a fan then, and that now Sting sees himself in Roode. He added that the difference was that he was so much better than Sting was, and that Sting should put aside the jealousy, because the business has passed Sting by. Roode taunted Sting saying that he will expose Sting for what he is, a has been that should have left a long time ago. Sting sat emotionless. Roode kept taunting saying that Sting had no words. Sting got up and threw over the table, smearing his facepaint on himself. He then smeared his facepaint on Roode as well, and knocked him down and kicked him aroud the ring. The segment ended with Sting clotheslining Roode over the top rope to the outside.

Conclusion: Again, I cannot give this show a positive review. All except one of the matches ended in a dirty finish. Not only that but we had so many pre-taped spots crammed into segments that it was hard to kep track of them all. Trying to summarize this show is dificult because so much stuff was thrown out there. I’d even go so far as to say that last week’s show was better because you could at least sum up the main theme for that show in Garret Bischoff’s tag match.

Score: 4 out of 10

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