WWE Survivor Series Predictions

The 28th Annual Survivor Series PPV err… WWE Network Event is tonight, with the full card announced at last… I think… Maybe…

The rest of The A1 Podcast predictions are available on this week’s show. The Stitcher link is below

Anyway here are my predictions for the show. This is without any spoiler knoldge or inclusion. As evidenced on the last edition of The A1 Podcast, many of my predictions were already made before any spoiler news broke.

Pre-Show Match: Fandango vs. ???

I do not know or care who this mystery opponent is. I don’t think they’ll waste any major name debut or return on a pre-show match. So I expect it to be somebody that will simply put over the returning Fandango and Rosa Mendes,

Winner: Fandango

Divas Title: AJ Lee (c) vs. Nikki Bella

The Divas Division is incredibly boring. AJ has faced Paige approximately 17,451 times this year, and everybody else is just fodder. Heck, Natalya defeated the Divas champion at elast twice and got no title shot. Nikki got her title shot by standing in the ring during a battle toyal while everybody else eliminated each other. While I am not looking forward to the inevitable Bree heel turn to join her sister, it will still be a relief from the tired old Paige/AJ story.

Winner: Nikki Bella

Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match: Alicia Fox, Emma, Naomi and Natalya vs. Paige, Cameron, Layla and Summer Rae

Since I think Nikki will win the Divas title, it would be natural sense for a hero challenger to be given a story coming out of this. Natural sense and WWE Logic don’t always go together, so anything is possible. For the third straight match, this is “Don’t Know, Don’t Care” but I like Natalya so I guess I’ll pick her team. She’s on Total Divas after all.

Winning Team: Team Natalya

WWE Tag Team Titles: Gold And Stardust™(c) vs. The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) vs. Los Matadores (Diego and Fernando) vs. The Miz and Damien Mizdow

The Grammar Nazi in me hates saying “Gold And Stardust” because it’s not grammatically correct. Goldust has always been one name, not two. He’s never been “Gold Dust”, “Gold”, “Mr. Dust”. Just Goldust. Same thing with Stardust. So together they should be known as Goldust & Stardust. However separate names are not something you can put a collective “™” next to for promotional purposes. Thus the name is Gold And Stardust™ despite my better judgment.

Anyway back to the match. This has the potential to have everything. Goldust is continually proving to have found a fountain of youth, and he and Cody were the best duo on television before the horribly bad sketches ran that served no purpose other than making something less appealing to watch than Jar Jar Binks singing karaoke. The Usos are quite simply one of the best tag teams to watch. Miz And Mizdow are comedy gold despite me hating the gimmick of a “stunt double”. And finally, Los Matadores are just there despite losing 453 matches to The Dusts.

Ideally this will also be an Elimination Match, but that hasn’t officially been announced. Either way, I think Gold And Stardust™ will come out victorious.

Winners: Gold And Stardust™

Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt

I love Dean Ambrose.

I love Bray Wyatt.

I don’t think I could care less about this match.

Winner: Bray Wyatt. But I also wouldn’t be surprise at some fustercluck finish that accomplishes nothing.

Team Cena (John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Erick Rowan and Ryback) vs. Team Authority (Seth Rollins, Kane, Mark Henry, Rusev and Intercontinental Champion Luke Harper): If Team Cena wins, The Authority is out of power. If Team Authorty wins, all of Team Cena is fired.

In what is billed as the most important main event in Survivor Series history (which is demonstratably false, as the 2001 Survivor Series had the existence of the entire company on the line) Team Cena stands up to Team Authority.

John Cena may very well be the worst team captain in history.

Never have a I seen a team captain less concerned with the welfare of his teammates. The Authority beats down members of his team, including robbing Dolph Ziggler of the Intercontinental Championship, and he’s nowhere to be found. Yet minutes later there he is backstage mulling over how he is powerless to stop The Authority. Hello… you could start by STANDING UP FOR YOUR TEAMMATES! Do you really think Hulk Hogan would have stood by and let Randy Savage, Tugboat, or Hillbilly Jim get jumped by those big stinky Authority members?

As for the match itself, I’m sure there will be plenty of in-ring drama. If the Tag Title Match will have the best athletic action, this match will have the most drama. I fully predict that things will look bleak for Team Cena. Then in The Darkest hour, Randy Orton’s music will hit and he will lay waste to Team Authority so dramatically the might as well play “The Ouch” by Stan BUsh while all the RKO’s are being hit. John Cena cleans up whatever is left, and we have a winner.

Winner: Team Cena, after an assist from Randy Orton

Once the dust has settles, we will move onto Raw where people will be openly ridiculed for buying a show that wasn’t worth $55, and whoever wins at this show will be made a fool out of. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

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