A Velociraptor will attack you, either on the street or in your own home; their preferred method is to wear disguises: trench-coats, mustaches, and Darth Vader voice changers are among the favorites. Warn your children against any strangers offering them candy, sex, or the promise of ultimate domination over the galaxy.
The first step to protecting oneself from a Velociraptor is to properly recognize a Velociraptor when spotted. Generally, a Velociraptor will attempt to hide itself beneath a trench-coat, in order to pass unseen.
Velociraptors are notoriously speedy; the average Velociraptor is capable of accelerating at 4m/s2, and will reach its maximum velocity of 25m/s mere seconds after the chase has begun. It is also known that the Velociraptor is equipped to open door. When in pursuit, a Velociraptor will take five minutes to open the first door, and for each subsequent door thereafter, will halve the time it took before (the second door will take two and a half minutes, the third will take one minute fifteen seconds, and so on)[2]. They do, however, find great difficulty in ascending or descending staircases; due to their size, a Velociraptor can climb only short distances at any one given time. It has been suggested that a Velociraptor is capable of flight, though sources differ on this belief.
The Velociraptor hunts in groups, usually consisting of three of the raptors.
The only known natural predator of the Velociraptor is the echidna; in ancient times, some found it a mild repellent to wear an echidna on one's head.
Velociraptors dislike many things that human society and culture might otherwise approve of; it is up to the individual at this point (society is too far-gone to be saved) to protect themselves by avoiding, as best as possible, all of the following (and other similar items, as personal intuition goes):
* Homosexuals.
* Chuck Norris.
* Being eaten.
* Poor grammar (avoid saying "I will eatify you;" it will get you eaten).
* Your mum (cos she's a cow)
* Laughter.
* Happiness.
* Goto statements.
* Bruce Lee.
* You.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Velociraptor
brian kelly was born in boston to immigrant parents in the year of our lord 1974. against his parents wishes, at the age of thirteen, brian began a career Showering With Teenage Boys that continues to this day. Now an adult, he was forced to work at the only place Showering With Teenage Boys would be truly accepted; A Catholic Church/High School. One day while perusing the internet Brian discovered a message board thread full of grown-up men dedicated to He-Man Figures. it was at that exact moment that The Bryce Persona was born. armed with nothing but a nutri-system lasagna and a firey rage that could only be built by years of denying his own sexual identity, he patrols the pages of A1-Wrestling.com with an iron fist, trolling anyone who is wont to making lists of wrestlers, collecting action figures, doing star wars or admiring transforming robots. as recently as A1Wrestling #531 it appeared that Bryce had been killed, but after the series' writing was taken over by Optimus Jarrett Styles he was written back into the book, though with slightly diminished powers.
Thanks to freud mayweather for the profile
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