Impact 3/08/12

Here is the official A1 review of TNA Impact Wrestling for Thursday March 8, 2012.

Garrett Bischoff arrived at the Impact Zone in a Jeep. The Reality Cam asked him about thoughts for tonight. Garrett said he will not let his father or Immortal stand in his way.

Eric Bischoff led Immortal, which now consists of three people including him, to the ring. Bischoff again reiterated that his son should not be here. He talked to Sting earlier, and stated that there would be a tag match between Gunner and Garrett. Each man would pick his respective partner.

Kurt Angle’s music hit, which seemed to surprise Eric. Angle said that he hates Garret because he doesn’t listen to his father, and that he is honored to team with Gunner tonight. The segment ended strangely without Ric Flair getting a chance to talk.

Sting was in the bathroom putting on his makeup, and promoing into the mirror like he was talking to Bobby Roode. Eric Young walked in and wanted a special gift for ODB tonight. This led to Sting making a tag title match on the spot with Gail Kim and Madison taking on Eric Young and ODB. After Eric left, Sting went back to talking to himself in the mirror.

Match 1: Gail Kim and Madison Rayne(c) vs. ODB and Eric Young for the Knockout Tag Titles – This was pretty much the expected comedy match. EY had both women on his shoulders for an Airplane Spin, but dizzied himself and fell over. Madison grabbed a title belt and hit EY from behind after he had made it to his feet. EY collapsed on top of Kim, inadvertently pinning her.

Winners: ODB and Eric Young to win the Knockout Tag Titles. I really don’t like titles being used for a comedy gimmick. Granted these are titles literally nobody cares about, but I think titles are better off being discontinued rather than be part of a comedy gimmick. Perhaps this will lead to a unification match with the mens Tag Champions, as that’s the only way short of eliminating the titles altogether that would get rid of them.

After the match EY got on one knee and presented ODB with a ring, proposing marriage. ODB hesitated, but then got on one knee herself. The two celebrated their engagement.

Meanwhile, earlier in the night, a large man in a suit presented his business card to a security worker. He claimed to be Joseph Park, and had business with Impact officials. The security worker let him in, and the two exchanged cordial thanks. The man in the suit was an unmasked and clean-shaven Abyss in glasses.

Bully Ray cut a quick promo backstage saying that Storm will not make it to Lockdown, and that Sting will do the right thing tonight.

Austin Aries got an email from Sting on his smartphone stating that he will defend the X-Title against Zema Ion tonight. Austin then said to the camera that this is bad business to have an X-Division Title match on free TV. He added that whatever Sting’s plan it, it will fail because he will win anyway.

Match 2: Austin Aries(c) vs. Zema Ion for the X-Division Title – Fun but short match. Ion tried to use his fragrance spray on Aries, but Aries ducked and used it on Ion. The referee saw this and disqualified Aries. Ion raised his hand in victory as Aries protested.

Winner: Zema Ion via DQ. Normally I would agree with Aries that an X-Division title match should not be thrown out there on free TV, especially if you are trying to give a renewed emphasis on the division. However, since this was a heel vs. heel match, which rarely has any suspense to it, this didn’t bother me as much. Especially since it was a DQ finish which presumably will lead to a rematch down the road. Also, to Impact’s credit, Taz did at least try to drive home that a title match on Impact is a big deal.

Backstage, Abyss Joseph park caught up with Velvet Sky and claimed to be Abyss’s brother. He asked if she knew about Abyss’s whereabouts, and she said no.

Bully Ray was in the ring and called out Sting. He told Sting that he is the rightful #1 Contender, and that he wanted Bobby Roode. Sting played with Ray for a bit, then said that if he wanted Roode so badly he can have him, and added that the match was next.

Roode was furious with Sting, and called him crazy for forcing him to defend his title. Sting said he never said anything about a title match, and told Roode to get out there.

Match 3: Bobby Roode vs. Bully Ray – The two went back and forth in what was our second heel vs. heel match. The crowd seemed to side with Ray. In the end, Ray went for his chain. But before he could use it on Roode James Storm his the ring and chased him out. Storm then decked Roode with a Superkick and draped the belt over Roode.

Winner: None announced. Presumably a No Contest.The match execution was fine, but once again Impact cut the segment short without giving any real time for this to feel important to me. This is without getting into the logic (or lack thereof) as to why Storm would feel the need to interfere in a non-title match. I can only hope Storm was concerned that Roode might be injured by the chain, and thus be unable to defend at Lockdown.

Backstage, Joseph Park talked with Crimson and Matt Morgan to find out any more information on his brother. Neither man knew anything, but Park thanked them anyway. After Park left, the former champs bickered a bit, but agreed they need to work together if they are going to win the titles again.

Match 4: Crimson & Matt Morgan vs. Robbie E & Robbie T – Predictable match with a predictable finish, which is not to say this was bad. Morgan hit his Carbon Footprint finisher on Robbie E, but Crimson tagged himself in to get the pin. The two then argued afterward.

Winners: Crimson & Matt Morgan. This was fine for what it was, setting up another rematch between the former and current tag champions. My only gripe with this is it showed how shallow the two divisions are if a singles champion is challenging for tag title contention. It implies there are no challengers for the TV title, and not enough challengers for the tag title.

A pretaped promo from earlier in the night aired with AJ Styles. He promised a surprise for Kazarian and Christopher Daniels.

Gunner and Kurt Angle both cut promos on Garrett Bischoff, saying that it didn’t matter who his partner was.

A recap of the history between AJ Styles, Kazarian, and Daniels. AJ came to the ring and talked about TNA’s upcoming 10 Year Anniversary. He said he was proud to have been with the company for 10 years, and started to go over the friendships and feuds he had over those years. Daniels interrupted, saying he kept trying to stand by AJ, but all it got him was frustration and getting fired. Kazarian said that the problem wasn’t with them, but with AJ himself. Kazarian added that Styles is never the one to blame for anything that happens, and that’s why Styles doesn’t have friends anymore. Styles replied saying he does not have friends anymore, but that’s OK because he has associates with someone else now. Mr. Anderson came out and he and Styles fought off Kaz and Daniels.

Backstage, Garrett opened a locker room door and told his mystery partner it was time.

Match 5: Kurt Angle & Gunner vs. Garrett Bischoff & Jeff Hardy – Jeff Hardy was of course the mystery partner. Hardy basically stayed in the whole match, setting up the hot tag to Garrett. Garrett made a rally, and in the end Hardy was able to tag himself back in to deliver the Swanton to Angle for the pinfall victory.

Winners: Garrett Bischoff and Jeff Hardy. It is almost unwatchable to see Garrett Bischoff in a TV main event with two of the company’s biggest stars. There were some people visibly applauding Garrett’s comeback, so I guess that’s an improvement. But Garrett’s story is quite possibly the least interesting thing on televised wrestling right now, and that is saying something.

Conclusion: I cannot give this show a positive review, given so much time was spent on the “duller than a butter knife” Garrett Bischoff. The show also suffered from the usual plague of having too many segments overlap. It was most apparent during the segment with Anderson’s return. A guy that has been missing for many months makes a surprise return, and before it’s given a chance to sink in, we cut to the back to see what Garrett Bischoff is doing.

Granted it is still a huge improvement over the amount of cramming that was done as recent as a few months ago. If I was to grade it on a 10 scale I would say about a 5.

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