The truth is, about 3-4 years ago I just asked my soccer fanatic friend to pick me an English team like the Dolphins. One that constantly underachieves, so he picked Arsenal.
In the English Premier League, only 4-5 teams have any shot at the title. There are no Cinderella stories. Money talks over here, MLB has nothing on them. So, if you want to cheer for a team that won't be in 8th place for the next 10 years or until an Oil Sheik buys them, your choices are:
-Manchester United (Don't you dare)
-Manchester City (Title-less for 46 years until an Oil Shiek bought them and now they buy everyone)
-Chelsea (Fuck Chelsea)
-Arsenal (Hooray!)
-Liverpool (Good history to the team, about to sell it's best player for $95 Million. It's Luis Suarez, the biting racist)
2nd tier teams are Tottenham and Everton, with Everton making a run at the Top 4. Top 4 means you get to go to the Champions League which is a huge European tournament consisting of only the best teams and champions. So, even if you finish 3rd, you can have a good season. Tim Howard is their goalie too, so that's cool.
The EPL is the best league in the world because it has the most competition. Other leagues just have two top teams and the rest are jobbers. Plus, there really isn't a lot of diving or paid off officials. It's as pure as soccer can get.