THE VENUE HAS BEEN MOVED FROM NY/NJ to THE IMPACT ZONE
1. in a hot opener The Ryback is defeated by the one and only The Ultimate Warrior in about four minutes
2. rick rude, who has at this time been found alive and cured of his neck injury comes out to the ring, briefly insults the audience and then gyrates his hips for about seven or eight minutes before kissing a lady from the audience and leaving.
3. STREAK IS ON THE LINE as john cena takes on the undertaker. midway through the match satan opens a portal in the center of the ring and tosses the undertaker straight back to hell. before going back himself, he raises his arms really slowly. as his arms come crashing down by his side john cena is instantly exploded, splashing the crucial crew, and only the crucial crew, with blood and guts.
4. Team The Shield takes on the Team Demolition, Axe Smash and Crush. the match ends in a time limit draw at which point they all high five each other in appreciation for each others' skills as professional wrestlers. the adjourn to the nearest TGI Friday's to further develop their budding friendship over mudslides and onion blossoms. h*ck yeah.
5. WHC MATCH: alberto del rio submits to uppercuts from cesaro. afterwards cesaro celebrates for about twenty, twenty-five minutes by walking through whatever city the impact zone is in and lifting citizens in creative ways.
6. WWE TITLE MATCH: the rock vs cm punk. good match. punk wins. rock gets on the mic and tells stories for a while about snorting blow off of actresses' titties. a feel-good moment for the kids.
7. THE MAIN EVENT: Kane, Daniel Bryan and Doc Shelby take on Team Rhodes Scholars and Handsome Brad Maddox in a two out of three falls game of connect four. this takes place at Doctor Shelby's house while the impact zone looks on via satellite. Brad Maddox shows off his mad Connection Skills, leading his team to victory. show ends with brad maddox and special guest johnny curtis re-enacting a scene from magic mike.
